I don’t think I can do this anymore.
They say that we should not make decisions while we are angry, sleepy or hungry. I was all these three a couple of hours ago. Right now I am no more all of these three, just sad and sorry for what I have become.
I seem to continuously losing the drive and capacity to think to the level of breadth, depth and width required for this position. After so many months and still incapable of doing the full research, what more can I say? I cannot demand for more training and development when deep down within me, I just do not feel it anymore.
And you know what happens when I do not feel or care anymore. It’s just a matter of time. And I think before I make an more unrecoverable mess and harm the company further, I may as well go. There will be other people more capable and more passionate about making this thing works better. For now, I just do not feel like becoming that person anymore.
Istikharah is in order, I say.