He was a skater boy in the neighborhood. I sneaked peeks at him perfecting his tricks with his cliques. At the time, he must had been the epitome of the perfect guy for me – cool, calm and collected, at the top of his game. And I was brave. Brave and naive. The first school holiday when I was thirteen, I told him how I felt. He was seventeen. I guess we both felt we were old enough to deal with it.
It did not go anywhere further than a school holiday crush, because I moved out of the area and went to boarding school. We lost touch. Over the years I thought of him with a cringe – how unladylike I had been, and how naive! Until now I had no idea why I did things I did, trying to get his attention.
Last year we stumbled across each other again online. Turned out our offices are within walking distance; he has lunch on regular basis in the mall where my office building is. It was a fun, laugh-inducing reunion via chats. We talked about catching up via lunch or tea, but it has not materialized. I invited him and family to my wedding; his mother was my school teacher and our families were close neighbors after all. My parents said they came; I didn’t see them at the wedding
I guess I subconsciously keep it online and casual. I am married and he appears taken. No point revisiting childhood memories just for the sake of it.
At times I feel that I have lived too long; at times I feel that my life is just beginning. Most of the time I am okay with the present, but always, always wishing that the future will be something more fulfilling and a reality of my childhood dreams.