I went through the blog entries, comments and emails I wrote 5-6 years ago,

and I am totally amazed of how sure I was of myself. How clear I was in expressing my thoughts. How trusting I was in my opinions, with facts and convictions to back them up. And more importantly, how I believe in myself and what I hold on to. I wrote, commented and trade opinions with others like a pro, where the words flowed like water through a strong, downhill river (or is it waterfall?)

I guess it is a powerful motivation to look back to the past and see how good you were, how far downhill you went and how capable you are of returning to the former glory. With new actions and habits of course – the habits that brought you down are precisely the things not to keep, in order to find your way back up. But first thing first – you must want to go back up.

And of course it’s a long, hard way up. Ever climb a hill with normal breaths and smiley, fresh faces?

I truly miss the old confident, capable me. I am not able to return to the past, as I’ve been through too many reality checks to be as idealistic and naive as before. But I am fully capable of resurrecting a better me at present and for the future. Someone who is confident of her capabilities, fully realizing that her reliance and faith is on Allah and Allah alone not human beings, and everything happens for a reason.

InsyaAllah. Terima kasih, Tuhan, kerana mengingatkan aku tentang siapa aku dahulu, siapa aku sekarang dan siapa aku masa akan datang. Alhamdulillah.


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